Conversation with friend, after I told him that my mom has started "joking" about getting me married.
Him: Haha, so when is it going to happen?
Me: I don't know. Not for a while.
Him: Yeah, but how much time do you think it'll take?
Me: Well, umm, anything between a year and a half to three years.
Him: Hmmm, a year and a half is very little time. Don't you want to work?
The high-pitched screaming that he was subjected to after this cannot be replicated here, so I'm just going to skip that part of the conversation.
I don't get it. I seriously don't.
Why do people assume that you can't work and get married at the same time? I mean, some of our moms worked when they got married, right? And they're still at it! Of course, I get the part about how, after you get married, your priorities change, you have more responsibilities, you can't just go do anything you want, you need to devote time to your family, blah blah blah. I get it. I really do. And that's fine. But how marriage amounts to an absolute negation of your professional life, I don't get.
It's not an either/or situation for me right now. It never will be, and that's because I know I can do both. Whether I choose to do one over the other later in life is a different matter altogether. I've always imagined myself working and having a family at the same time. Heck, in six months, I'd hopefully have graduated from school and will be working full time. But maybe, I shouldn't do that because if I start working, how will I spend time with my family? Or wait -- do my parents and sibling not count as "real" family that needs time and attention?
Is it just me or is there something absolutely wrong with this line of thinking?
14 people had something to say:
Our society's base viewpoint-"mother is to cook as father is to earn". I guess things start going wrong there itself. Women are looked upon as preservers of relationships and that they should do nothing else while at it...flaw flaw flaw
Join the confused club. In the meantime, enjoy the confusion :)
he he... typical girl rant.
it's good to be "MAN"! PERIOD!
no problems... no confusions.. if there are... then just throw em on the women. ;)
Trust me, not all men think that way.
We all have the right to do what we want to. Many women i know are married and working. I didnt even know that this was such a big deal.
But hopefully, times are changing, or have changed enuff for us to work while we go ahead and have families.
I remember i was 12 years old and my mom was going to norway for this month long training programme and my aunts kept tittering about how lucky she is, coz my dad "gave her permission" to go..
So I suppose some ppl think women are not as good as men and always will..
the actual problem is quite the reverse..where does one put the guilt about not spending enuff time with family coz we're working..and if we dont work, we're being unfair to ourselves..
its really tought being a woman, it is!
@ Rene: You'd think that would've changed by now, but it's still here!
@ Ayesha: Ugh. Not cool.
@ Ajai: Typically girl rant, typically boy response :P
@ Amreekan Desi: You restore my faith in the world :)
@ Tangled: That is exactly the kind of incident that gets me all fired up! Even if we don't feel guilty about working toward our career, the people around us will try to make us feel so. And of course, our husbands will shine on in their "supportive spouse" glory :P
Agree! Although, this is what I do. When they say, "don't you want to work?", I interpret it as one of those, wouldn't-you-rather-get-settled-in-work-have-some-savings-in-place-before-you-end-up-in-a-spot-where-someone-some-day-might-depend-on-you-for-financial assistance thingies. I know, I know this isn't what they mean. But I like this version better :)
Plus, men should be able to grasp this one, because they sort of think this way, no?
What's so cool about working eh?? Whats so cool about selling someones wares!
If you can afford not to work, you should be glad!!
All my efforts are directed at retiring AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!
@TUIB:"its really tough being a woman, it is!" - I think as a woman we enjoy everything in this creation much more..and i almost have an attitude abt it:D..more love , more pain:)..and so when there is more joy the contrast is greater.. so i guess it seems tougher
@puneet:"That is exactly the kind of incident that gets me all fired up! Even if we don't feel guilty about working toward our career, the people around us will try to make us feel so. And of course, our husbands will shine on in their "supportive spouse" glory :P"
I am so totally with you..
I can see me in that expression:D..Fired up...though me ek-do saal puraney wali..
now the same incidents bring a compassionate smile on my face. 'poor ppl'..they need to catch up with us kinda smile..
i seriously dont find anything wrong about what you said here :)..i just wish it becomes perfectly normal soon for girls to be working and married ..no seriously :)
Why isn't a big issue for a man as well?
I mean a guy would also want to devote time to the family as well as work. It should be dilemma irrespective of the gender.. and as you say- maybe we shouldnot go out and study/work coz we need to spend time with our family ..
Also, interesting how a successful man is never asked in an interview - to ap bachho aur parivar mei balance kaise banate hai? Kya parivaar ki dekh bhaal ke saath bahar kaam karna mushkil nahi ho jata?
And a wife helping his guy build his career is not supprtive. It's normal.
Mekky
Kithe ??
@ Geetika: Haha, that's another way of looking at it, though you're right, they don't really mean it that way :P
@ Pankaj: You retire, I'll work. Balance must be maintained :)
@ VK: The anger eventually gives way to pity, huh? Nice :)
@ Ani: I hope there are more like you out there!
@ Mekky: You said it, girl.
@ VK: Ethe :)
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