My darling friend, who, might I add, I miss deeply, ever since she left good ol' Boston for greener pastures, sent me this today. Wanted the insider's opinion, she said. So I replied, and then I decided to post it here, considering how important an issue women's safety is in Delhi.
Let me just say that this reply has been slightly edited; all expletives and other objectionable terms have been deleted from this version. My mom reads this blog. (Hi Mom!)
Part of this article is true. Yes, the city is unsafe for women. But I think that this writer exaggerated the scene a little bit. Or maybe I am so immune to the potential danger that lurks on the streets, thanks to my innate defenses, that it seems like exaggeration to me. I did, after all, grow up in Dilli.
I would never accuse the woman for "asking for it", for wearing too short a skirt, too revealing a top. But the thing is this: if you're stepping out on an Indian street (and I've faced this in other parts of India too -- can't comment on Mumbai because I haven't spent much time there) and your thunder thighs are on display, be prepared to deal with the attention.
Yes, how I wish things were different. How I absolutely wish that I could walk down to PVR in a mini skirt and come back home without having to throw one dirty look. How I wish I didn't have paranoid parents, made so by all the unpleasant news in the morning papers. How I wish I could own my city at night, walk it, drive in it, do whatever it is that I wanted.
But I can't. And I need to face that. I can blame the migrant population from UP and Bihar (most of the culprits are from this group), I can blame the Dilli Police, and even the useless state government that steps up security only close to elections. But that's not going to get me anywhere.
So what do I do? Stop wearing "inviting" clothes (like I said, I don't think it's the clothes anyway) or just be prepared? I'd go with the second. I'd rather be prepared. I'd rather change my attitude. So the next time a random dude winks back at me, I curb the instinct to gouge his eyes out. Instead, I scream at him, create a racket, attract attention: tactics that I used to think were useless, but I'm happy to have been proved wrong. Random dude tries to touch me: I hit him. And these aren't castles I'm building in the air. I've had 1 incident -- yes, 1 -- in the 23 years I've lived there. Miracle? I don't think so.
Most importantly -- and I don't know if it's just me-- but I don't feel violated by all this. Unsafe? Hell yes! Guarded? You bet. Cynical? Ahaan. But not violated. I don't know what it is, but I guess I'm not that easy to violate. I don't make a big deal out of it cos maybe I've become the typical hardened Delhi girl or maybe cos I really don't think it's a big deal.
Don't get me wrong -- I understand the concept of safety for women and the need for it, much more so after coming to the States. But if that's how Delhi is, and you got to live there, here are my two cents: wear what you want, do what you want, just be prepared to deal with the consequences. Most importantly, be confident. It's your (BEEP) city. Don't let some random lecherous (BEEP) take that away from you.
9 people had something to say:
Hello!
I've stayed most of my life in Mumbai, and from what I've heard from female friends, groping is pretty common in crowded places even there. Eve teasing is much rarer, I suppose.
But for last 6 months, I've been living in Delhi, and haven't found it as unsafe as portrayed in that article. For instance, I see countless women traveling alone even at 9 in metro trains. And to whatever degree I've been able to make out, there's not been a single incidence of ill treatment to women.
But yes, Delhi is much less safer than Mumbai on the whole and not just for women.
My assessment could be wrong, but I felt the density of wine shops is way higher here than in Mumbai! Sounds weird but that could be one of the reasons. These wine shops attract male youths and they can always be found in gang-like aggregates, which automaticaly makes those places unsafe.
But on the whole people do consider north Indian states less safe. I've heard condition is much worse in cities like Jhansi and Kanpur.
The statistics pointed out in that article are too misguiding for simple reason that Delhi is much more populous than most of the other cities!
I've seen incidents like chain-snatching and stabbing, etc. to be also much more common here.
One more factor is perception of what constitutes eve teasing. In the US (possibly 'cuz I've never been there) whistling at a women could be taken as a compliment rather than harassment! But as I said, this is just a speculation, something that I'd like you to clarify.
Came here from I loved three men called Pablo by Tangled Up in Blue.
Take care.
@ Ketan: Agree. From what I've heard, Delhi>Mumbai in terms of general crime. I can't argue with that. But thank you for noticing that it's not that unsafe for women! I think it's more hype than anything else. Not that stuff doesn't happen, but I do think it's blown out of proportion in the media.
As far as the eve teasing/compliment issue is concerned, here is what I think: it really depends on who it's coming from, be it America or India. Strangely, class plays a huge role in this matter cos it points towards other factors - education and breeding being among them. I'm not sure if it's a good factor to include in one's judgment, but I can't deny that it's a factor per se.
I hope this answers your question! :)
Yes, it partly does. Thanks for your honesty! :) Did you mean only the 'class' or also the level of acquaintance with one thus whistling?
Also, it's very easy to project statistics wrongly even without actually meddling with them! For instance, most of the people wouldn't think how Delhi's being much more populous would obviously make it share greater percentage of every sort of crime and not just those committed against women.
Bravo! Someone rather aptly titled North India the "wild wild north". Northern cultures are more masculine, which perhaps accounts for them being unsafe for women.
mumbai is better..this coming from a guy who has been in both the cities..i am trying to do my bit for this cause..its time girls hit back hard
I lived in Delhi for three years in my early teens but never really got that much unwanted attention from anyone..
But then I suppose, I never tried walking down the streets at night..
I miss the city tho' its like nowhere else what it makes you feel..
My best friend, who still lives there, tells me it makes her feel more empowered when she gives it back to them eveteasers..thats a strange way to look at it, I suppose..
But Mumbai's not all that safer anyways, one cannot, simply cannot "own the city" at night, with a mini skirt and gogo boots, tho' one tries to summon up the courage! :)
@ Ketan: Yeah, of course, how well you know someone plays a role in it but right now I'm assuming that none of the guys I know well will "eve tease" me, haha.
@ Pankaj: Agreed. Very patriarchal and definitely more conservative-- that doesn't help!
@ Ani: We're trying! :)
@ Tangled: Reading your comment, I feel like the media has a lot to do with how we perceive both crime in both cities. Delhi is infamous for how unsafe it is yet the ground reality isn't all that bad; Mumbai is touted as better is comparison which gives people the impression that it's safe, but if you talk to women from there, they think you're overestimating how safe it is!
Can't think of anything other than what you said. Really. I always said just growing up in Delhi was like a step in evolution - cynic-adaptation is ingrained in my genes and is likely to be inherited in my offspring in a purely biological manner.
Exactly - while we'd love an utopian world where a woman could go where she wants, wear what she wants, do what she wants - we're far from it. In the meanwhile, carrying a bottle of mace is a great idea.
I do sympathize with women who are victims, don't get me wrong. I feel angry at offenders - I do want to make them suffer. At the same time I can't help but feel annoyed at women who said they weren't "aware". How hard is it to read news and be prepared, really? Sometimes, nothing works, but working toward reducing the probability of things happening to you can only be beneficial, yes?
I love the point you make about how you're probably not that easy to violate. It gets my goat, that word. If your sense of self is so fragile it gets violated by one wolf-whistle, well then, don't live in a bustling unsafe city.
@ Geetika: Exactly what I'm saying. Exactly that. Only it took me 3 horus of agonizing over email to say it. And you, one comment :P
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