Homesickness

It's really true what they say. There's no place like home. And no one like family.

The Big Question

The past eight months have been the most mercurial as far as my relationship (or the lack of it) with any kind of religion or any concept of God is concerned. I have gone from questioning agnosticism to staunch atheism to reluctant Sikhism (only because this is supposed to be my default religion) and all the way back to being clueless.

Now, I understand somehow, though I can't explain why or how, when people say that their God is not an external being but is more of an omnipotent presence, which is within them and within every part of their surroundings. Alternately, people say that God for them is Nature. I don't know why but I somehow get these definitions, and that is not to say that I own them up as mine, but that I can understand them. Probably because they are easier to relate to and are a far cry from the conventional notions of God.

But what I cannot answer are these questions -

1. If there is no God, where does that leave concepts like fate and destiny?

2. If there is a God, why isn't the world a better place?

3. What's He like, assuming that He is?

4. Why are some people more prone to believing in Him and/or in their religion, even though they have been brought up in the same way or have had similar religious experiences as an atheist's?

5. Why can't I start believing, even though I want to?

6. If He is one, why are there so many religions?

7. If God is within us and has no special powers (as a friend put it), then why is He there in the first place? He might as well not be then.

8.(Most importantly) If He exists, why doesn't He just drop in for tea or something and answer all our questions and just put an end to the debate altogether? Does he enjoy the mysterious, elusive image or something?

For all I know, there's nothing up there (or wherever else He is supposed to be). Or maybe, He's looking down at me and shaking His head in dispproval (assuming He has a head), ticking off my name for the list of kaafirs who are going to burn in Hell.

Sigh. Anyhow, the reason I put this up here was because I wanted to know what people out there think. So any insights, opinions, beliefs or whatever else you might have will be greatly appreciated.

Signed, Absolutely Normal Chaos!

Of love, hatred and indifference

I recently came across a very, very interesting (or so I thought) quote by a Pakistani author (cannot recall which one but I think it was Mohsin Hamid) and it goes so - My latest stereotype about Indians is that they can't tolerate indifference from Pakistanis.

Now I am not one for stereotypes but I realised that this one was painfully true. At least in my experience.

Indians are loosely divided into two groups - those that hate Pakistanis and those who love them. (I, by the way, am a category unto myself - I think we should just become one whole country again - India, Pakistan and Bangladesh and live together in everlasting peace and harmony but then that's just foolish, romantic me). But anyhow, I do not know of a single Indian (and may they please make their presence felt should they happen to read this) who does not give a damn about our neighbour.

We, on the other hand, have only two stereotypes in which to fit Pakistan - The Enemy or The Long Lost Limb.

Of course, I realise that things are slowly beginning to change. But largely, we are still stuck in the throes of what is (akin to) a bad break up (No, I do not know why I keep coming up with the relationship analogy!). We oscillate between phases of intense love and hatred. And it is only when we feel nothing but indifference that we can say that we have moved on.

Pakistanis, on the other hand, seem to have a very different attitude. They really do not care so much about India. And the ones that do, hate this country. Of course, I am aware that this is also a generalisation but it is the only one I am able to form based on whatever little experience I have had in this matter.

In the midst of what seems to be an inextricable mess, all I can think is that it's good that at least one of us is moving on. Here's to a better, more peaceful future as neighbours, if not a return to the peaceful past that used to be when we were one.